Rough days don’t last but tough people do.
Happy days don’t last but fortitude do.
This is a personal story about going through a phase in my life where I felt discouraged, depressed and unworthy. It was all unfamiliar territories that I thought I would never have to face. It was a very lonely place inspite of seldom being physically alone. It lasted for weeks which certainly felt like months. It’s an awful place to be, but I was very conscious of the fact that the Lord was allowing me to go through this phase because there was going to be someone that I would meet in the not too distant future that will need me to understand where they are at. I would become a GPS or Road Map to help them find their way out of the lonely wilderness.
During those lowest moments I got physically sick …. pressure elevated to 154/100. Both my lungs and heart were X-ray and it showed I had fluid in both areas. My body ached. My legs ached. I cried without wanting to be comforted.
I called that state of being – my “Juniper Tree” found in 1 King 19:3-17 … it was a place in the wilderness where Elijah fled running from a wicked and evil woman name Jezebel.
When you are a Christian, attacks like these occur at your greatest level of your personal victory.
In my personal life everything … I say everything was going just perfect. I had it all. I was at the best place in my life living with no regrets. Believe you me when I say, I had it all made. I didn’t have to cook or clean. I literally didn’t have a care of my own…But yet I was facing for the first time a place of loneliness and baroness. My dear husband was confused, perplexed and simply didn’t understand what I was going through. I lost my laughter and just needed to be left alone hiding under my juniper tree.
One morning my husband prayed profusely for me. His entire prayer was for me. He needed me to get back to just being the happy person I once was. His prayers didn’t budge me. I was too low in spirit to even comprehend his thoughts towards me. I was battling something far deeper than his love could cure or conquer.
Why was I so discouraged sitting under this Juniper Tree? My relationship with God was not where it used to be, those times were always my proudest and happy time, so why was I experiencing such a phase in my life?
I was exhausted. I felt unloved. Unappreciated and lonely. I had given everything I had to others, caring for the sick, supporting others and scarificing my personal health to care for others. I was overspent emotionally.
Physical exhaustion and what I would say – unnecessary stress can bring on discouragement and take your focus off of God.
I was anxious over many things that was not directly related to me. I was taking on other people’s problems and issues and was allowing it to get inside of me. Now my spiritual life was being affected by my physical condition which created serious aches and pain over my entire body. Satan was presenting me with feelings of anger, bitterness, resentment towards others, hatred and remorse. I was overwhelmed . I began feeling like a failure and wondering if this was the way I would end my life. Hopeless.
All those things were lies that turned out as fear in my mind but I had no control over the lies. That fear made me think I was alone sitting under my Juniper Tree wishing to die.
Still in those moments, my prayer would be “Please Lord, don’t let any of my girls ever have to go through this experience. Let me alone bear this and never let any of my children have to face such a lonely and hopeless journey.”
But, I’m so happy to let you know that I serve a God who will not leave me under that Juniper tree. First, I had to physically remove myself for a period of time away from other people’s drama and circuses. I made a commitment to myself that I will spend time with God alone before touching anyone regardless how long it takes. I will not pressure myself to respond to or remain in contact with the outside world. I needed to create my world without outside interference or pressure.
One night sitting alone in a prayer meeting, God sent an angel and strengthened me during the prayer meeting. I knelt down and told God “Lord, I have had enough. I want you to take away my anger, resentment, hurt, bitterness and loneliness from me. I have had enough.” I was determined to keep pressing God until He proved to me that He heard my voice. When I opened my eyes, I knew the Lord had strengthened me. I left church and went and ate. The next day, the Lord strengthened me again with His presence and His still small voice speaking to me, telling me that my spiritual assignments from my Juniper tree experiences are ahead.
Between our high and low moments, there will be Juniper trees. But, God will always send an angel to minister to our needs. He will satisfy our physical and spiritual needs and guide us to new mountain top experiences. We need to strengthen ourselves and get up from where we are and return to God.
One secret I need to share – the devil would love for us to keep our Juniper tree experience to ourselves. He can hold us hostage with our private lives….The truth is – we can find strength in sharing our experiences with people who CAN help. Not everyone can help, but get a prayer partner that knows how to stand with you. Where two or three gather together , God is in the midst TO HELP !!!
The Lord will always confirm His secret plans to us.
“The angel of the LORD came back a second time and touched him and said, “Get up and eat, for the journey is too much for you.” 1 King 19:7
Our second anointing is always greater than our first. Rough days don’t last, but tough people do. Happy days don’t last, but fortitude do.
Put up a fight. Don’t choose the flight mode – don’t run away or die….You will never meet a strong person with an easy past.
Grateful for His Amazing Grace.
“There’s a loneliness that only exists in one’s mind. The lonelinest moment in someone’s life is when they are watching their whole world fall apart, and all they can do is stare blankly.”
When you can tell your story and it doesn’t make you cry, you know you have healed.