I posted my blog “The Undocumented-Silence Oath last Friday. Within 72 hours, I received phone calls from two followers in different countries who shared stories of family members violently losing their lives from domestic abuse. The most recent tragedy took place on Saturday. The victim, a 20 year old young adult whose boyfriend shot her in her head. The next victim was a 30 year old whose husband brutally abused her causing death. What kind of emotions do you have as a writer after you posted a blog dealing with abuse of children and women, and received these two calls from your followers? You look for ways to become an advocate and to keep the awareness of abuse alive.
I’ve been advised by a few of my very passionate followers that some WOMEN ARE also ABUSERS of both men and children. I’m aware of this fact, and it’s a sad reality. My blogs however, focus on children and women as victims, and their abusers as my initial campaign.
I’m addressing this blog to women who feel stuck in an abusive relationship, and are terrified of sharing their story, or terrified of their partner’s reactions if he finds out. Keep on reading and you will find the answers you may be looking for.
Here is a list of the potential signs you should look for to determine if you or someone you know is in an abusive relationship:
- He’s controlling
- You are fearful of upsetting him
- Your opinions are always wrong
- He hurts you without any remorse
- He makes fun of you
- He’s upset if you go out without him
- When problems arise, he blames you for everything
- You feel confused and accept personal responsibility for his bad behavior – just for peace in the home
- He accuses you of destroying the family
- He accuses you of flirting with other men
- He keeps you away from your family
- He questions your every move
- He yells at you, getting right into your personal space
- He apologizes for hurting you, but then blames you for causing it.
If your relationship has any or many of these warning signs – you are in an abusive relationship. Abusers DO NOT change unless you take a bold and courageous step by reporting it. They will NOT change if it’s kept a secret between the both of you. Abusers enjoy controlling and intimidating their victims, so he will have a struggle releasing that false, and insecure power.
Here are some suggested steps you can use to eliminate the abuse:
- Make a report to the nearest police station
- Let a family member know
- Speak to a trustworthy friend close in proximity to your home, who will monitor and keep check on you
- Seek counsel from your Pastor, or counselor
- Let a trusted coworker know
Let’s talk about you:
- You deserve better
- You deserve to be safe and respected.
- Being brave means walking away from unhealthy relationships
- You are allowed to set your own safety net and boundaries
- You are allowed to say No – without any explanation
- You are allowed to move on from any relationship where you are not respected as a woman
- God can restore you, heal you, and give you a new start
- Don’t be ashamed of sharing your story, it will help someone else to be courageous and come out of hiding to get help
- Don’t envy someone else’s relationship – you may not have all the details of their story. Women make great actresses
- You will be a great role model of a survivor’s story. No one can tell your story like you
- Be happy God saw your pain, and reached down and picked you up
- You survived because God has purpose for your life
Promises from God that you can stand on:
- Even when life seems uncertain, you can still trust God
- You can’t tell what will happen tomorrow, but you know the God who holds tomorrow loves you unconditionally
- God promises to be with you always, even to the end
- God loves you at your darkest moments, His light shines brightly on you in the dark
- He hears the faintest cry
- Fear not
- God will never leave you
Prayer for those who are wiling to be part of the solution: If I can help somebody as I pass along. if I can help somebody by sharing a word. Please Lord, give me eyes to see the hurting, and give me the strength to be their voice. Then my living will not be in vain. Lord, make me an instrument of love and compassion. Let me be keen and ready to be Your hands extended. Give me a heart to bring the hurting to You, where they can find help in the time of need. In Jesus’ Name. Amen
If you know of someone whose life needs to be saved from any form of abuse, please do a small act of kindness, and pass this blog along. .
Is it for this reason we ourselves were kept alive? Let’s do our part to save a precious life.