Trying to avoid senseless power struggles takes everything within you to walk away, when you’re dealing with your children. The simplest thing always seem to turn into major differences creating disharmony. As parents, we face many frustrating moments as our children’s thinking seems to be so irrational.
We love our kids without a doubt. Period. Nothing is ever too much to do for them, and if it’s too much, we will push past our exhaustion to make it happen. We will literally jump in front of a moving train to push them to safety without blinking an eye. We will defend them at any cost, many times leaving us embarrassed because they did it their way. We hear and respond to their fainting whispers in the silence of the night. We juggle a million emotions everyday, but we tuck our kids to bed without showing them our pain. Sure, this list of our kind expressions of love for our children can outrun Usain Bolt without a doubt.
So why then, do we find ourselves at war with them. They are little adults wanting very much to be in control of their lives – but we are the adults, and we fully understand and are aware that their consequences for any careless act – can cost them their lives, and maybe to a greater extent – unfortunately, the entire family.
As parents, when we are faced with a ‘tug of war’ or a ‘tug for words’ – the tools we urgently need to deal with the opposition appears to be missing. Are you kidding me? ….No! …Oops, oh yes! No one taught us which tools to use …they aren’t missing, we just didn’t know what we were looking for.
Many times, I have found myself screaming, arguing, negotiating, and the last resort – I just quit and walk away from exhaustion.
End result: Mom is exhausted so – Hostility has reached an alarming disproportionate emotional level. Resentment is unquestionable. Guilt is handwritten all over the walls that’s facing her as she sits pondering her thoughts.
Dad: Goes into his office, and on to his computer, shutting the door behind him. Not because he wants to, but because he is uncertain how to avoid offending anyone while resolving the matter at hand. So, he goes silent because his love portions are not equally adding up. He doesn’t want to hurt either of the people.
Young Adult: When he’s faced with a problem, and can’t figure out how to fix it – he chooses to be defiant and obnoxious. He begins to pass the blame around and 99.9% the mother takes the brunt of the issue at hand. Why? She’s the easiest target.
Notes from my inner voice – Now, we move on to finding the correct tools after enduring the previous years of outburst, rage, disharmony, remorse, opposition etc.
An empowered woman knows her worth, so she’s ready to deal with the task at hand. She first tells herself “It’s okay if you disagree with me” … she’s taken back her authority…
- Tool #1- Pick your battles and go first with the ones you think you can win. Get to the place in your life where you hate to argue. It helps to improve YOUR health so you can fully enjoy life when the kids are gone 🕊
- Tool #2 – Give every potential argument a time limit to end. It’s going to keep you sane rather than living with guilt and sleepless nights 🤔
- Tool #3 – Speak clearly, firmly, and be prepared to let your ‘yes be yes’, and your ‘no be no’. No further discussions 🤗
- Tool #4 – Don’t change your standards or your happiness for your child. Be CONSISTENT. Refuse to give in even if it’s their birthday, their baptism, their graduation, or any other celebrations. You’ve got to live well for the rest of your time on earth.
- Tool #5 – Find the strength to push past discouragement. There are years of vacation plans in the making with your spouse to enjoy 🌴
- Tool #6 – Think about the second honeymoon after the kids leave home. So pack light memories that will make the both of you laugh – eg …the time you pretended that you fell asleep when they got home from school. Giving them an opportunity to look after themselves while you took the evening off. You are confident that they will appreciate your presence the next day.
- Tool #.7 – Don’t forget to pack your drinks and snacks in your bedroom cupboards before they get home. Because, tonight’s going to be a good night. It’s Movie night “Home Alone” and the “Power of Revenge”.
- Lastly: Remember to hang the sign on your bedroom door 👇🏾