Waiting is never fun. Waiting for hours is awful. Waiting for decades for a promise to be fulfilled requires trust and loyalty in the one making the promise.
God and I usually have a conversation when I find it difficult to keep up with His pace. Sometimes, our conversation goes like this:
God: I am taking away the security blanket that has provided psychological comfort to you over the years. I am taking you on a journey into the unknown and all I want you to do is to trust the process. This is an open book test so keep the Book open.
Me: Hold on one minute God, did you forget to give me a timeline? How long is this journey? Will I have company on this journey? Hmm…God, are you serious about not taking my security blanket? God, we humans do not enjoy doing life without full disclosure. Remember we both had this discussion many times before God.
Meanwhile, anxiety is gripping my heart and yes, I spent more waking hours these last few months wrestling with the thoughts of what my life would look like without timeline. Now, I have no timeline to work with but I was told to keep the Book open.
The page in the Book opened to a few highlighted words with a date scribbled besides showing that I was on that page before. It read – ‘Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid.’ The unknown makes my heart sick. I want to help God plan this unknown trip if I only knew how to do it without messing it up.
But, because I understand how God works, I’m forced to sit still on this winding road trip with many huge bumps and resist the urge to flee. It’s folly for me to even consider it an option because I have filing cabinets of evidence where my heart was afraid but God bought me out on the other side.
If I allow my thoughts to linger on the ‘what ifs’ it will cripple my ability to trust God on this journey. What ifs should be permanently disallowed in every human’s vocabulary. It’s the most disturbing place to be lost in.
I know fully well that restlessness gives rise to mistakes and regrets. So be it fast or slow, smooth or rough terrain all I really need to be concerned about is, do not fret. Instead of worrying, pray, Sounds pretty close to what my mother would have told me. The only difference is, I am now the mother/adult.
The season of COVID-19 has shown me that sickness is no respecter of status, race, poverty, or family history. The sadness is overwhelming as I watch people drop like flies. If you don’t know God – the fear is a zillion times worse. My mom if she was alive will tell me ‘ let your gratitude shape your worries into prayers.’
It’s not a cliche at all, but when the battle chooses you – mustering every ounce of strength to trust God into the unknown displaces worry and turns it into prayers. Before you know it, God sends a flood of peace to replace your worry.
We all need this journey into the unknown to get us to a place of total dependence on God and not trusting in our ‘what ifs’ that makes us weak and vulnerable.
Never let the unknown make you question what God already knows. It’s only unknown to you but never to God.