Grown Up Conversations on Relationships – Video

Dealing with the Elephant in the Room

It is a sad truth that offenders of sexual violence are not always a case of outsiders coming in and breaking and entering our homes, but many times it is an inside job. Unnatural fascination with a sister, neighbor, niece, granddaughter, son, nephew – is a sign of a serious mental health condition, and if it goes untreated, it can destroy relationships.

Often after the big reveal, some families choose to talk about everything except the elephant in the room. It is deliberately ignored because to do otherwise would cause great embarrassment, sadness, or arguments, or it is simply taboo.

Who was Tamar? Tamar was the beautiful daughter of the great King David. When Tamar reached puberty her half-brother Amnon, David’s eldest son, developed an unnatural obsession with his young half-sister. He watched her and he could not get enough of her until he tricked her into coming into his room pretending to be sick. He became obsessed with her. Trapping her in his room he raped her, then refused to marry her as may have been the custom back in those days. (2 Samuel 13)

Developing an unnatural obsession with anyone especially with those who should be trusted is disgraceful in every way. Amnon abandons Tamar after his brutal rape and as quick as the act was committed his feelings for Tamar quickly changed. He shouted at her to get out of his room and get out of his sight.

Rape leaves the victim exposed to many future unfriendly sexual acts as the victim feels more like an object than a human for the rest of their life. Then to follow the act with rejection is like a facing one bad situation in two different ways.

I am no family therapist or medical expert, or a law enforcement officer – if you are a victim of any hideous crime please seek urgent professional help. Choosing to ignore ‘the elephant in the room’ because it makes everyone uncomfortable to have a grownup conversation is unfortunate .

Choose to be kind to yourself and yes, you can rebuild your life. Allow your confidence in God to bring you much needed strength to move on rather than keeping yourself imprisoned.

This is God’s year to act on your behalf. He will remove all the shackles of life that has held you down and exchange them for wings so you can fly again.

You are not what happened to you as ugly as it may have been – you are what you choose to become in Christ. It’s time to turn wounds into success stories so others can be inspired.

God celebrates you as a bride without the stains on your imaginary wedding dress created to beautify a palace. The truth is everyone needs God in their life whether victims of rape or not.

We are victims of hate, jealousy, unfaithfulness, rejection, pain, and many untold stories. Do not allow whatever has happened to you cause you to devalue your worth and dim your lights.

Forgive anyone who has done you wrong even if they have never asked for forgiveness – that is true strength. Chin up! Make everyone wonder how you did it.

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